If you can forgive the long story, there is an amazing lesson God taught me through the whole ordeal. Time to get personal . . .
The week of October 22nd my family and I had just gotten back from a trip to see my Great Grandmother in an assisted living home in Maine. We had a wonderful time and came back to catch the usual cold after traveling. The girls got it first, followed by my husband and myself. It was a cold that seemed bad for about a week, and then had a week of recovery . . . not horrible, but not a quick and easy cold either. About two weeks later it seemed everyone was getting back to normal - everyone but me. In fact, as I began the cold, one of the lymph nodes on the back of my neck swelled to about double its normal size. I had scheduled a physical months before, and figured that I would go and let the doctor check the node (which we had been monitoring since the spring) and assumed it was a combination of the cold and my awful fall allergies. The morning came of my physical and "Superstorm Sandy" hit with full force, completely incapacitating most of the eastern seaboard. Well, nothing I could do - so I waited a week and a half and called to reschedule my appointment. By this time, the fatigue I had been experiencing increased, and my head cold was getting worse. I saw the doctor the week before thanksgiving and after deciding to do a wide scale of blood work, she sent me with a referral to a general surgeon for a lymph node biopsy with reassurances that this was probably not a big deal and to have a good Thanksgiving.
Well, we started our 14 hour trip for Thanksgiving and got a call one hour in that a level in my blood was elevated, and was again reminded to see the surgeon. I had already scheduled the appointment, but I started to worry. This level was a marker for a lot of things, but given my symptoms it seemed it may indicate mono or lymphoma. Great. During our four day trip, the lymph node increased to triple its size, and 6 other nodes popped up, all of them hard and scary. A call to my doctor was met with increasingly serious warnings to "not miss my appointment with the surgeon." As you can imagine, I showed up to the surgeon's office extremely nervous. During my appointment, that just got worse. Phrases like "abnormal" and these nodes are "beyond the normal cold", and "lymphoma" were thrown out. The surgeon suggested a biopsy, which I consented to. Right before leaving I said, "By the way, does my blood work say they checked mono?" The surgeon replied that they hadn't and sent me to the lab, "just to check". It seemed the word "lymphoma" was coming up quite a bit, and I was hanging all my hopes on the fact that they had just missed the mono.
The next day I woke up with no voice, and my sore throat had progressed to being hard to swallow. The fatigue was awful. Something was definitely wrong - and at this point had been for a month. It was a long wait until Monday night when the phone rang. The surgeon was on the other end - "Sarah, you have an acute case of mono. One of the worst cases I have seen in a while. We cannot do the biopsy, and lets wait to see if we even have to do it all. This could explain every symptom." Both my husband and I rejoiced - which sounds funny, since it was an awful diagnosis - but it wasn't cancer. Everyone we had told and were praying also rejoiced . . .
I have yet to fully recover from mono, in fact every day is a struggle to stay awake or accomplish what I need to - which is very frustrating for an over-achiever like myself but, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know, you all just said, "WHAT?!?" and normally, I would agree with you . . . but I was given a HUGE gift amidst this adventure - eternal perspective. Faced with the idea that what is going on with your health is something you cannot control and it may be something life-threatening (lymphoma), life takes on a different rosy hue. While I wasn't obsessed or constantly thinking about everything, there were moments in the day when my children would be frustrating, and I would dissolve into tears over how adorable it was. My husband would come home and all the little frustrations of married life were gone, and my knight in shining armor with his protective hug had walked in the door - I soaked up every minute with him. I was given the opportunity to look at my life as a gift, something not guaranteed and fleeting. In talking with my aunt she said I had been given an "eternal perspective" which I thought was appropriate. My thoughts were no longer on simple, daily things but rather - what will I teach my children through this? How can I love Josh more thoroughly today? What can I do to make the most of my evening instead of just watching tv?
In the wake of the Newtown trajedy, I think this is something we all need to consider. We've been given an opportunity to look at life through a different lens - one with eternal consequences / blessings. To be thankful for those around us, to do more to love them more thoroughly . . .
So I will again say, I am thankful for mono and the exhaustion. I have an opportunity to be reminded every day that I am totally reliant on Him, completely blessed by Him, and living in the midst of my very own custom-made fairy tale. I pray I NEVER forget that.
Being continually molded,
Sarah
The week of October 22nd my family and I had just gotten back from a trip to see my Great Grandmother in an assisted living home in Maine. We had a wonderful time and came back to catch the usual cold after traveling. The girls got it first, followed by my husband and myself. It was a cold that seemed bad for about a week, and then had a week of recovery . . . not horrible, but not a quick and easy cold either. About two weeks later it seemed everyone was getting back to normal - everyone but me. In fact, as I began the cold, one of the lymph nodes on the back of my neck swelled to about double its normal size. I had scheduled a physical months before, and figured that I would go and let the doctor check the node (which we had been monitoring since the spring) and assumed it was a combination of the cold and my awful fall allergies. The morning came of my physical and "Superstorm Sandy" hit with full force, completely incapacitating most of the eastern seaboard. Well, nothing I could do - so I waited a week and a half and called to reschedule my appointment. By this time, the fatigue I had been experiencing increased, and my head cold was getting worse. I saw the doctor the week before thanksgiving and after deciding to do a wide scale of blood work, she sent me with a referral to a general surgeon for a lymph node biopsy with reassurances that this was probably not a big deal and to have a good Thanksgiving.
Well, we started our 14 hour trip for Thanksgiving and got a call one hour in that a level in my blood was elevated, and was again reminded to see the surgeon. I had already scheduled the appointment, but I started to worry. This level was a marker for a lot of things, but given my symptoms it seemed it may indicate mono or lymphoma. Great. During our four day trip, the lymph node increased to triple its size, and 6 other nodes popped up, all of them hard and scary. A call to my doctor was met with increasingly serious warnings to "not miss my appointment with the surgeon." As you can imagine, I showed up to the surgeon's office extremely nervous. During my appointment, that just got worse. Phrases like "abnormal" and these nodes are "beyond the normal cold", and "lymphoma" were thrown out. The surgeon suggested a biopsy, which I consented to. Right before leaving I said, "By the way, does my blood work say they checked mono?" The surgeon replied that they hadn't and sent me to the lab, "just to check". It seemed the word "lymphoma" was coming up quite a bit, and I was hanging all my hopes on the fact that they had just missed the mono.
The next day I woke up with no voice, and my sore throat had progressed to being hard to swallow. The fatigue was awful. Something was definitely wrong - and at this point had been for a month. It was a long wait until Monday night when the phone rang. The surgeon was on the other end - "Sarah, you have an acute case of mono. One of the worst cases I have seen in a while. We cannot do the biopsy, and lets wait to see if we even have to do it all. This could explain every symptom." Both my husband and I rejoiced - which sounds funny, since it was an awful diagnosis - but it wasn't cancer. Everyone we had told and were praying also rejoiced . . .
I have yet to fully recover from mono, in fact every day is a struggle to stay awake or accomplish what I need to - which is very frustrating for an over-achiever like myself but, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know, you all just said, "WHAT?!?" and normally, I would agree with you . . . but I was given a HUGE gift amidst this adventure - eternal perspective. Faced with the idea that what is going on with your health is something you cannot control and it may be something life-threatening (lymphoma), life takes on a different rosy hue. While I wasn't obsessed or constantly thinking about everything, there were moments in the day when my children would be frustrating, and I would dissolve into tears over how adorable it was. My husband would come home and all the little frustrations of married life were gone, and my knight in shining armor with his protective hug had walked in the door - I soaked up every minute with him. I was given the opportunity to look at my life as a gift, something not guaranteed and fleeting. In talking with my aunt she said I had been given an "eternal perspective" which I thought was appropriate. My thoughts were no longer on simple, daily things but rather - what will I teach my children through this? How can I love Josh more thoroughly today? What can I do to make the most of my evening instead of just watching tv?
In the wake of the Newtown trajedy, I think this is something we all need to consider. We've been given an opportunity to look at life through a different lens - one with eternal consequences / blessings. To be thankful for those around us, to do more to love them more thoroughly . . .
So I will again say, I am thankful for mono and the exhaustion. I have an opportunity to be reminded every day that I am totally reliant on Him, completely blessed by Him, and living in the midst of my very own custom-made fairy tale. I pray I NEVER forget that.
Being continually molded,
Sarah
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