At 11:41 today my world changed. At 11:41, I went from having 6 grandparents to 5. At 11:41, my heart broke into a million pieces and smiled at the same time . . . He has her now. There is no more pain and I will see her again.
And it was eerily like a cold day in October, when my Memere (great grandmother) went to be with her Lord. Two days before there was a FaceTime call, a profession of love from myself, both of my kids, and a smile for us from a proud grandparent before they started walking home. Then there was the phone call, the flood of tears, the searing pain, the broken pieces and then . . . Nothing but a strange numbness and exhaustion. And a wonder of how to get through this holiday season . . .
But there is much comfort in the midst of pain. There is no more pain for either and there was a great reuniting of souls as one met her husband and the other her sister whom both had missed dearly. There was the comfort of knowing that my strong mother had walked them both home with hymns, hugs, tears and stories. That a strong and faithful woman of God had again shared His story, had reminded both grandparents of their commitment, and then celebrated with them that they were going home. I really can't imagine a better way for this to end . . . Or a better person to be there to hold their hand as they went to eternity. Mom, I am so proud of you.
And I suppose that even though this holiday season will be very tough, I am not sure there is a better time to be in this place. Everywhere I turn, I am reminded of His sacrifice. That He had sent His Son to save me and everyone else. That He has provided a way to see my family that has passed on again. That my heart which is currently broken can be whole still because God has placed His whole and perfect love inside it.
So I will grieve, and I will cry, but not as someone who has no hope, but as someone who is beyond thankful for the hope that is mine, the hope, grace and love that cares for little old me, and everyone else dealing with this during the holidays.
And Grammy...Memere....and those I have lost before, I will see you again. Be sure of it.
Being continually molded,
Sarah
